intense anger

i have a few rules: don't F* with me and my family, don't F* with my money, and don't F* with my time. With that said, SOMEONE broke every one of those rules and i am FLAMING mad!!

I cried alot this weekend... mainly because i am angry and amazed that people can be such ignorant assholes. Let's give a bit of background... i work hard... i could possibly work harder (as in school and studying or finding a better paying job) but with whatever it is i do, i work hard. I could be highly upset with my job, but i still work hard... i could be frustrated with school but i still work hard. I pay my bills, and pay them on time. I know how to budget, and control the "shopping feen." I only work 2 jobs but only work so many hours while going to school still, working on the career i want for myself. I love giving people things that make them happy, whether it's for their birthday or christmas or just because. I will put aside my want to shop for myself and buy someone else something extra special cuz knowing that whatever it is that i gave them was the "perfect" gift and makes them smile. I don't like to give those "bull-shit" gifts. I like to find the best gifts, the ones that scream out "perfect for so-and-so." Relevant to my story, that's what you need to know.

So... 4 1/2 years ago i bought a ring for my special someone aka Marc... when i saw it i knew that was his. It similar to one that he had described to me before... it would be the first ring to start his "collection", the black onyx. He wore it everyday (almost everyday cuz he didn't want to wear it to work and "mess it up" ya know). And it meant something to us both... it has that sentimental value to it, something i'd rather go into detail about, but just know that the value was priceless. Just a few weeks ago, i added another one to the collection. The most "perfect" birthday present i found. It was absolutely beautiful, unique and definitely one of a kind. I've never seen one like it... and out of the numerous unique rings i was looking at, that one definitely screamed out "i'm perfect!" He never got to wear it because he had to get it resized. Keep in mind that the band, on each side, was Jesus on the cross carved out, and had a big beautiful tigers eye stone. ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!

Notice, the past tense. Past tense because some ignorant ass bastard STOLE them along with another piece of jewelry!! ...no, not while he had them on... so NO he WAS NOT jumped! obviously we didn't notice till after the fact. NO ONE can be trusted! Someone's (not mine or his) so called "friend" has them, and you don't know how bad i want to beat the living shit outta someone, but being the BETTER person, i know that they will have theirs coming to them. It's not definite who is guilty but there are definite suspects... and at this point, it's basically "just a loss." But understand me, no matter how much the value, whether it's priceless or a few hundred or $10, stealing is stealing, and stealing is straight out WRONG. The fact that it was stolen hurts, the amount of money and the amount of time i had to put into getting that money pains me, the thought that someone had the nerve to do this just makes me sick. Now, understand that being on a "student budget," any amount of money is very much valued. There is sentimental value which is priceless in those gifts, there is meaning as to why i got those things... not just because they were pretty and nice, also because there were reasons as to why they were the perfect gift and what they mean. If i lost the promise ring that Marc gave me 4 1/2 years ago, i'd be devastated, but to have it stolen would drive a devastated woman crazy. There's meaning that can't be replaced with the same exact "replacement" object.

So, i'm highly pissed and pained. It hurts me. You do nice things and you work hard, for some ignorant person to come along and F* you over. Marc and i are extremely angry and have the internal instinct that any person would have to want to be destructive. I'm an awful person when i'm angered and even worse when someone has broken my rules. The worse thing is that, in actuality, we can't do anything about it at this point, unless they turn up, or someone comes clean (which is highly unlikely), there's nothing to do. All of that hard work, the money, the meaning, just gone. It's material things, but even if we wanted to replace them, we probably couldn't; they were all unique pieces of jewelry... and even then, it wouldn't be the same.

So in the end, we wait... we wait for the better things to happen... when something bad happens, something better is yet to come. Whoever involved will get his/her own coming... because i am a firm believer in Karma... i really am- you do good, good returns to you... you do bad, bad returns to you. We just have to keep reminding ourselves, that at least it wasn't like losing our life savings or being robbed for everything in our homes or anything worse than what it is. We have to keep reminding ourselves that we are the better ones, we don't steal, we don't disrespect, we don't do the grimy things this person has done to us.

I have other important things to worry about now and this just has brought me down a bit. I have 2 exams this week on wednesday back to back... i have 2 final exams next week wednesday back to back... it's my weekend to work, which means i have to focus and get alotta studying done each day till then cuz i won't have the "all weekend" deal for studying. I got intense anxiety, waiting for my letter announcing if i got into PA school or not. I have a million knots in my stomach due to that. I have another month or so to find out if i passed my certification test. Just to name a few things... but even with those things there's an up side... the semester is almost over... weekend of work equals a nice paycheck... in or not, i got a plan... knots in my stomach --- uhh... teaching me to handle anxiety?? =P who knows...

anyhow... long enough... and it's time to go back to sleep, yes, i said back to sleep although it's 12:40am now... we fell asleep around 9-ish... i woke up a lil while ago and now i'm tired again. So back to my weird sleep schedule. =P G'nite, homies...

edistraction

hehehe... i really should be studying for my A&P2 exam that i have tomorrow (it's on the digestive system!... woo hoo!) Anyhow... i haven't been updating lately as much as i used to... but mainly because not too much has been going on... =/ Well... what has happened since the last post?? ...let's see... Marc-E got into a lil accident cuz of some stupid boy (who called his dad to the scene... anyhow) so i've been taking him to work and what not when needed, which has been most days... which also means that we're up around 6... well... me at either 5 or 5:30 to get ready... so he can get to work for 7am... then depending on what day it is, i either get to school early or get to work early, or go home to get my sister to carpool to work. Interesting week and a half... at least he gets his car back sometime tomorrow and we'll be back to the normal schedule. =) I don't mind helping out.... i just miss the extra hour or so of sleep in the mornings. =P

It's Marc-E's birthday on the 14th... then my dad's on the 18th... then my sister's on the 22nd... so i went out this weekend to get some of their presents... i have to get my dad's Christmas present early too since he won't be here this Christmas... take a WILD guess where he'll be!! =P Anyhow... so it was fun to "shop" this weekend... even though it wasn't for me. Well actually one thing was for me... Dawson's Creek Season 2... hehehe... i finished season 1 so i had to get season 2... =P

I want to update my MySpace... =P hehe... i think i might do that this week. okay...

Looks like Thanksgiving will be Marc-E and Me. My sister and her husband are goingto Chicago to spend time his side of the family... and their taking Pua too!! Then my dad... well... Thanksgiving isn't that big of a deal for him for whatever reason... is that cuz we don't celebrate it in the philippines?? (...or do we??... i don't really know... all i know is that we used to...) anyhow... i think he has the atlantic city plans... so it looks like Marc-E and me will be cooking for ourselves. Whatever... we have fun cooking... =P

Christmas, we (as in Marc-E & me, and my sister & Nick) are having a gingerbread house contest. hehehe. Can't wait! Have you seen the Food Network challenges... it's gonna be hardcore, man!! =P *hehehe* We're nerds. =)

Anyhow... back to studying. I have hopes of being the nerd with the highest exam grade on at least one exam this semester. =P ....shhhhh... i'm actually serious.... =)

it's been 13 years

so it's around 12:30AM, and yes, i'm awake... why?? cuz i have a Microbiology exam at 12:30pm that i'm STILL studying for! =/ Anyhow... so i'm up studying/ doing my study guide, and once again, waited too long to finish, so i don't believe i can email in my end of chapter quizzes to my professor for extra credit... and damnit, you know i could use the help! Anyhow... i'm not fond of this stuff... so i'm just looking for at least a B, although an A would be quite nice! =P Anyhow... so i worked this whole weekend... should of, but didn't study Saturday night, ended up just chillin' and fell asleep... tonight ate dinner, rested a bit, ended up taking a "nap", and now i've been up since 11pm working on this stuff. It looks like i'll be up for another hour or so, then i'll take another "nap" and be up way before the sun to continue this studying thing. We'll see if i make it to my first class.... i hope i finish early enough to make it cuz i like Anatomy & Physiology. =) Apparently there is an air leak in my front left tire, so i have to go get that shit fixed. It's not cool to be "wasting" money on putting air in your tires just for it to last a couple (or few) days with the fear that it's gonna get too low and then next thing you know *BAM!* there goes your tired rolling away... NOT COOL! Therefore, i'm gonna go get that fixed. If they find a nail, i blame Federal Hill... it's the most probable place for something like that to happen... although it coulda happened anywhere, Federal Hill has very high probabilities. =P

So... it's October 17th.... it's been 13 years since my Mommy has left us here and gone to Heaven. I can't believe how long it's been. I can remember going to the hospital late at night to get the CATscan done, then finding out later that she had a brain tumor. I remember sitting in the doctor's office with the family, hearing the doc tell us the chances of survival from the surgery. "There is a 1 out of 1 million deaths from this type of surgery." I remember he made another statement that increased the chances of survival but i don't remember what numbers he said. But let's just take that first one... with such reassurance that this procedure was safe, my mom just happened to be that "1 out of 1 million"?? I remember feeling slow because that dinner request wasn't just a dinner. I remember her tucking me in the night before the surgery before my dad took her back to the hospital. I remember going to see her after school. I remember falling asleep in the waiting room. I remember the wait became longer and longer. I remember my dad crying and praying. I remember the doctors coming in to let us know something was wrong. I remember going home, and going back early in the morning. I remember the "meeting" with the priest. I remember seeing the pain in my grandparents eyes. I remember the tears. I remember the pain. I remember the memories that were made. I will ALWAYS remember my mom. I will FOREVER remember everything. ...and i was only 9...

I hate the people that told me that "oh at least you remember now, cuz later on, you're not going to remember your mom, you won't remember those things." I don't have respect for them. No one can take away my memories... i can be old and grey and i will not forget. Like i said, i remember everything, and i'll remember that comment, so don't be surprised when they get that cold shoulder... i say, they're only mad cuz they don't remember or realize what's important enough to remember... whatever. They don't mean anything any how.

For the past 13 years, i've had an angel looking after me, and i can't say how grateful i am. As much as my heart hurts, and as much as i miss her, it is a part of God's plan. My mom and grandma are together again. It's been tough, between this and that and these and those things, but we make it through. I yern to make you all proud. I cry for you and look to you for guidance, and i know you hear me, and i know you've been helping me through the way. So Thank You, I Love You, and I absolutely Miss You, Mommy.

thanks to all that's been there continuously, or one time or another... i just had to get that out... i'm back to studying... and you all now know why...

OOOOUCH!

so... not too much been going on... i'm off this weekend so you know, i'm straight chillin'!! Well... Marc-E and i were gonna go to the mall after he got off from work, but it's raining like we're in a drought or something... hehehe... okay... so seriously we are in a drought... something like it didn't rain all of September, or if it did it wasn't much. I heard something on the news the other day about that rain collector thingy-ma-bobber and how it was straight DRY! Anyhow... so yeah... it's basically been raining since yesterday! And i think it'll go through the WHOLE weekend too!! So... monday is a holiday (Columbus Day for those that were unaware... which is actually celebrated on October 12th in the latin american communities... i heard that on HOT99.5 one morning when some guy made that random comment... the 12th?? i think that's right... =P) Anyhow... so we're off from work, but not like that matters cuz i don't go into work on Mondays, I have class, which unfortunately is still in session. =/ Oh well... at least it's a "short day"... whatevers... so yeah...

So the interesting news as of late is the 4 car pile up accident i was a part of. It isn't as bad as it sounds, for my involvement at least, but the accident was horrible. So here's the story... last wednesday I was so excited because I was finished with all that i had to do in our microbio lab, that i got to leave early, as in a little before 4pm early (when we normally get out at 4:45pm). So i was on my way to take my happy ass home to just chill and enjoy the lil bit of "extra" time i got... so i was driving down Ritchie Highway and came to a somewhat quick stop... nothing that made me burn rubber or anything like that... just one of those things where you didn't think you'd stop that quick... but none the less, i was safe about it (cuz i definitely am a good drive... =) ) and i was a good length behind the car infront of me. So there i was, windows down, breeze coming through, radio up with me singing away, chillin' at a complete stop... when 1/2 to 1 minute later.... **SKKKEEEEEEE... BOMB....** --- *smash!!* and i feel the hit from behind and my body and car go foward a lil bit... OH I WAS PISSED!!!! i quickly pulled over cussing and all... get out of the car SLAM the door talking about "what kind of shit is this?!!!!" just to turn my head and my whole demeanor changed... that "tap" was the least of my worries.... my jaw dropped and my eyes openned... and there i went running 3 cars back behind me.

Apparently the lil blue Toyota Corrolla driven by an old man, with his wife in the passenger's side, and teenaged granddaughter in the back seat, did not stop quite in time... and was presumably going really, really fast. The blue car hit, and slid under the bed of the red Toyota Tacoma pick up truck before it, which then slammed into the purple Dodge Caravan infront it it, which then smacked into my very own bumper... so think... how fast was the man going??? If i'm not mistaken, i distinctly remember the man driving the truck saying that he saw that the car was coming and not stopping... so he just held on and pushed on the brakes as hard as he can. It was a scary site... the left back tire of the truck sat on top of the car where the drivers area is, while the back right tire hung just at the passenger side's door. The old man was cut up and just kept asking for someone to help his wife... as his wife laid motionless in her seat. I know, as i'm sure everyone else knew that we could not move her just in case her neck or spine was injured... so the paramedics arrived and safely strapped on the neck brace and worked to pull her out from the driver's side. I believe that she was breathing and was maybe knocked out from shock or what not... because they did not have to perform CPR on her. After her rescue the old man complained of chest pain, and off to the hospital he went. The granddaughter, although frantic, seemed together enough to do what she needed to do and off to the hospital as well to accompany her grandparents.

The man driving the truck... seemed like nothing was wrong... running off of that adrenaline. Sorry to say, but he was probably sore after that wore off. Amazed at how his truck was half way in the air, his cell phone wasn't working, and his digital camera in the truck (which he was thinking about getting to take pictures). Had plans for vacation this weekend, the truck was gonna take him to the beach. Maybe it's okay, it's raining. Just paid it off not too long ago, maybe time for a new car.

The woman in the van... she mentioned stiffness in her back, so one of the guys on the scene said that he always advises people to go get checked out, and not to question the pain, just go just in case, and it'll be on record. In order to be on record that she did go, she had to ride in the ambulance, although she said she could drive herself... i think she was more worried about leaving her car and having to go back to get it later. She was just in shock and was quite frazzled by the whole thing.

I, myself, just thankful that my car (who's 1 year "birthday/homecoming" is October 9th... tomorrow!!) was not damaged and i'm okay. A few scratches (which you know irks me) and a nice lil outline of the woman's license plate imprinted on my bumper... screws, bolts and all! I was thankful to see that the emergency crew arrived with the quickness... thankful to see how effective and efficient they all worked... thankful that with this experience, everyone involved will have learned something.

Odd things: there were people across the street going the other direction on Ritchie Highway, stopped and taking pictures. There was a man in his VW chillin' with his trunk open with golf clubs out a few feet behind the accident who witnessed it, and who was apparently just waiting for help with a flat tire... he needed a bigger jack or something. All of the witnesses, who were not hit/ directly involved, did not stay or even ask if they needed to make a statement saying what they saw. It was weird to actually see traffic stopped and backed up for many miles because of something you were involved in. The fact that the hood of the car was tore off or maybe just crumpled up with the full engine exposed and then something was leaking while some guy was smoking a cigarette (some "witness" that left) scared the baJesus out of me.

I just hope everyone else is okay. I hope they can now regroup and figure out what's next. Like i said, i was "smacked" but not half as bad as everyone else... even the van had a quite noticeable, deep dent from her getting rear ended. So thankful, i am. And from just being there, made me realize another reason why i want to work in the healthcare field... the amazement those emergency workers gave me, their strengths, quick logical thinking, and knowledge, it's an inspiration. =)

Okay so this is long enough... i have some studying i need to do, some knitting.... i'm also baking cookies and brownies. =) I have to make lots, between my sister, Marc-E, nick and i, we're just no good! =P So... later gators... take care... drive safely... especially in the rain!!!!

OH YEAH... October is Breast Cancer Awareness month... so go out and support breast cancer research to help find a cure!!!! not that you should only do it in October, but ya know... Target has some things (and you will see me 'sportin' my breast cancer awareness target polo and writing with my pink pen!) and Safeway has those good fundraiser chocolate with almonds bars... and numerous places accept donations! =)

humphhhh.... =P

wow... so after i left school today, i stopped by the closest branch of my bank which happens to be near a music store i used to go to all of the time, so since i had time, i decided to go in. I picked up a few piano pieces and busted out the skills when i got home. I haven't played the piano in months, and it seems as though that i still got something left! =P *hehehe* but yeah.... one of the pieces i bought was "To Where You Are" sung by Josh Groban, it's a beautiful song and is the song that my uncle's best friend sang and recorded for my grandma... it was great to get through one WHOLE song! =P But yeah... maybe i'll bust out the clarinet and saxophones sometime this week as well. =P *hehehe* i just think to myself sometimes, "what if i would have kept playing?? what if i took private lessons?? ...how good could i have gotten?" i dunno... i guess i'll just stick to what i do know.... there's natural talent thanks to a musically inclined family. It's kinda like the "wow, think if i woulda studied as much as i should have!" thing. I mean, i've studied plenty over the past few years, but we all know, it wasn't as much as it should have been! Oh well... there's still room for improvement in that area! =P

Okay... lemme stop and get going cuz i wanna knit! *hehe* no, really, i'm working on a hat which needs to be done before it gets "hat & scarf wearing" cold. And yes, i'm making a matching scarf as well... after i make myself something, i'll go back to making things for everyone else. =) Okay... i just let too much nerdiness out... so peaceout!

ignorance & thoughts

I hate ignorant people and just ignorance in general... people who are so closed minded and so set on ideas that are not necessarily true... come on now... we all come across ignorant bastards that are born into the world who are taught the "wrong" ideas and are misinformed. But does everyone that has at least one thing in common with them like them? ...carry the same ideas as them? ...think like them?? NO! Smart asses... ignorant people... all together stupid people just need to get the F* outta my way... i can't stand it! Okay, so some people have experience discrimination one way or another... but that doesn't necessarily mean that the people with a similar trait as the discriminator are just like them. Follow me?? I'm not saying that the person before didn't discriminate, i'm saying that maybe the one now isn't, just doing their job. SHIT. Shut the F* up and listen! Open up the eyes and really see what it's really worth. I dunno... just venting cuz ignorant people make me SOOOOO mad!

"People" wanna get mad cuz they don't get their freakin' way... mad cuz of this... mad cuz of that... blah blah blah blah blah... who freakin' cares... okay i'm just starting to feel mean now... =(

NEXT TOPIC:
i was looking at pictures while cleaning earlier... now i understand why people say "i wish we could go back to highschool." I never understood that comment when i was in high school... i just wanted to get the hell outta there and move on with life! But now, after graduating from college, working, trying to get into professional/grad school, and all, i know what people mean... high school, for me at least, was fun. Although it seemed like it was "stressful" with classes and tryin' to get into college and what not, it's nothing compared to life now. I mean, i've been working since spring semester freshman year of high school, but its different now... you work to pay bills and live, not just for "pocket money." High school days, you see your friends every day, chill all the time, and just have fun... now, it's school, work, and sleep; you see and talk to friends not as often. I know that once things settle again, and we're back on "regular" schedules that we'll all get to do the things we want to do, but i just miss them days. I found a pic from our last day of 8th grade... hehehe... it's a funny thing! But really, i'm extremely thankful for the ones that have stayed close over the many, many years. *it's great that with most of us being military families, we all got stuck here!* We may have drifted a lil at some point, but managed to still stay close and come back. You know you all are my best friends. You know who you guys are... don't make me POST the picture!!! *hehehe* ...and of course in addition, there's another one that didn't come into the picture till a year later... and then of course, my bestest friend who is across the country with a really off schedule. =) If i haven't said it lately, and i'm sure it can't be said enough, but Thank You, all of you. =)

i need to stop being all sappy already, switch my laundry, do a lil more knitting, and get my ass back to sleep. gotta work 9 to 6 tomorrow... and PLEASE, no ignorant ones that wanna come in past 5:30... if ignorant ones must come in, at least come a lil earlier so you don't piss us off that you're holding things up at a "busy" time and/or keeping us from being able to leave on time.... we'll just be mad that you're dumb. =P *hehe* at least i can joke about that now. okay... it's almost 2am... i'm outtie like you're belly button! OHHHH!!!! hehehe... okay i need sleep...

...

when it seems like the ones closest won't listen or talk to you... at least i know my girls will be there for me... no matter how far, or how late... thanks... you know i needed it.

Although there are things that occur that people may not understand, there are reasons... reasons are not excuses for actions, don't get it twisted... but the reasons are reasons. I have some things i need to resolve, with myself, with others... that blah mood still lingers. Things aren't what they seem... until the facts are laid out, it's a buncha nothing.

It's 3am, gotta be at work at 9am... just been up... maybe i'll try to get some shut eye for about 3 hours or so... ehhh... =/